I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
