bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he puts the penis in happiness.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
