headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
