so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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