I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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