I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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