i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
