I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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