He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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