my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
