Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
