apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
