i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
