We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
