God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
