just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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