You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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