Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
