I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
