We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
