Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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