Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
