Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
