3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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