Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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