sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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