There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
