apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
