if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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