i wish my penis had a tongue
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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