i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
