I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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