I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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