dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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