I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
