I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
