i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
