and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
