9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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