I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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