For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
