Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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