I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
