Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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