the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
