I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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