oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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