Need sex. Gaining weight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
