Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
