talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
