Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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