kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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