He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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