Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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