At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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