the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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