I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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