he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
