she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
