You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
