I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
