i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
