I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize