If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
