she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
