he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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