He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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