My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
