i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
